Well... the beans have been spilled!

Remember my previous post about kids with Down Syndrome... well Mr. Man (I forget what name I gave him in the other post), started declaring to anyone who would listen at the top of his lungs

"Baby Jenifer!!! Baby Jenifer!!! Baby Jenifer!!!"

People pretended they didn't know what he was saying, but it was clear as anything!
So I spilled the beans... to a few people at work at least... all the staff in my class...

Which ended up being a good thing, so I don't have to push a wheelchair on the grass at the end of the week for this "Fitness Day" thingie we're having on Friday.
Lets hope I don't throw up again like last year (that was fun! Nothing like over-exposure to make your day complete!)

Who parties like Jenifer?! Noooooooobody!!!

Went to my girlfriends birthday party last night and drank "wine" which was gross. Hid the bottle so no one could see it was dealcoholized before we spilled the beans.

My girlfriend was getting all pissy (she knows I'm pregnant) and I was trying to mouth "it's fake" but she wasn't getting it. Eventually got the message to her... what a great birthday gift "Happy Birthday, I'm a wino!"

But we spilled the beans, along with the usual "we're not getting excited" speech. But we figure we want our close friends to know so that they'll be there if we lose another baby. It was very lonely last time.

Now I'm on the lookout for good fake wine... now that I'm pregnant I'm kind of missing a nice glass of wine after work. Not that I was a big drinker before anyways, but it would be nice to find a really yummy subsitute.

Yesterday I gagged over old juice from my neice's bottle... I was in the washroom for about 10 minutes! At least it isn't as common as the smell of scalp.

Yes... the smell of scalp makes me throw up! Can't stand it!

Kids with Down Syndrome SUCK at Keeping Secrets!

Well it serves me right... I've been telling some of my students that I'm knocked up, but only students who can't speak or speak really unclearly, and who are developmentally lower than some of the others. I generally work with these kids more anyway.

Student #1 is "Shannon"... I adore Shannon and told her first out of all the students.
Well now doesn't she constantly talk about babies... especially when we're together. And doesn't she pronounce "Baby" clear as a bell?!

Student #2 is "Brandon"... Brandon also has Down Syndrome and is smarter than Shannon, but speaks terribly.
We have music together and every time we sing "He's Got the Whole World In His Hands" and get to the "Little bitty baby" part, he sings "Jenifer's baby! Jenifer's baby!" and points at me. Little cracker knows it's a secret and he just laughs his bag off about it. But he'll do it quiet enough so not everyone can hear him... but anyone in the vicinity.

I didn't even bother telling "Billy" because he couldn't even keep a birthday cake a secret, let alone a pregnancy.

239 to go... I hope!

Here's another ticker of mine... I thought I'd give it a spin, but I think I like my original one better. Yes I have a ticker now and I like it!

Next I'm going to do a countdown to my next bowel movement ticker!

Or the next time I eat a a double cheeseburger from McD's... only $1.39 and it didn't make me feel sick!
Sweet heaven!
I may get Davey to pick me up another one of those bad boys on the way home!
But that's a pretty short ticker!

Pregnancy Tip For The Day - May 23 2006

If you're pregnant, wear a bathing suit with tons of support... not one that makes your boobs really saggy.

It's really hard to drive a car with big, sore, saggy boobs all in your way... you have to drive with your elbows sticking out. Although I guess that's good arm excercise!

I hate that stupid bathing suit... serves me right for not making sure it was dry!

On a side note, everyone is saying that I've lost a ton of weight... which was true before (15 pounds baby!) but now my pants are getting tighter. It's the fact that my breasts are HUMUNGOUS! I can't believe how big they are... I even roll over on them!

I guess for some people this is kick-ass news, but I already take a F or G, so it's not as fun... here come my breasts, and here comes me! I'll be looking like this chick by the time I give birth... but not as skinny!

Well apparently I'm knocked up... whatever!

Well apparently the rabbit died... the nurse told my husband I'm pregnant.

Why did she tell him? Because I refused to hear the bad news because I knew I wasn't pregnant... so I figured he could break the bad news to me. And he could get the bad news first instead of me for once... grrrrrr.

Have I mentioned how much infertility sucks... by the way if you're wondering why I'm so bitter, check out post number one. It should clear up a thing or two.

When I arrived at his work, I saw he had bought flowers to cheer me up for the bad news he was about to give. Fantastic!

He was still busy with a customer, so I waited outside and prepared myself for the news, which although I knew I was going to get it was still making me sad. I mean it was another month of trying and not succeeding. Four years is a long time and infertility gets old QUICK!

So I got out a cigarette getting ready to light up as soon as I heard the bad new (yes, I know... you shouldn't smoke while trying to conceive... can't a girl have any vices?!).

So he comes over with his flowers, I open them and they're pink roses... not exactly the best "sorry you're not pregnant" flowers, but he's trying to be nice so I'm not going to complain.
And he hands me the card, which I open and can't even look at... I mean who the hell writes "sorry baby" on a card?! Just tell me!

But I manage to look at it anyway and I don't believe what it says... I didn't even take it completely out of the envelope because I didn't want to touch it.

I said "no way" "you're kidding" "no way" "you're lying" and every other denial in the book. I might have even told him "F-off", but I don't remember. That's the card right there.... it smudged because he was so excited.

Threw the cigarettes away immediately (not that I smoked much anyway, a small pack every 6 weeks or so) and went shopping for more fresh fruit and veggies. Lately I'm feeling more like a rabbit, than ever before.

I might be in denial but I'm not taking any chances!

Some background about moi

Hi! I'm Jenifer!

Let me start this first post explaining why I'm in denial... because it didn't just happen that I'm in denial... I'm not usually this much of a negative person. Maybe a bit, but not this negative. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over four years... in the summer of 2004 we finally did and were over the moon. Unfortunately, two days after my birthday, September 15th, we lost our baby. Apparently it was a bad egg, which really sucked. Hello! I waited over two years to get pregnant and it's a bad egg. We took some time off, dicked around with more fertility drugs and then finally went to a Fertility Clinic which I thought was going to be super scary... that's why I kept putting it off.

Anyway we went to Astra Fertility and it was fine, not scary at all... and so started five months of driving to Mississauga, getting an internal and external ultrasound and a blood test, then talking to the nurse and then coming back 2-5 days later to do it again and again and again!

It wasn't that bad though... other than the gas money and the 407 bills... that part sucked.

I also had to have other fun tests, like a post coital test (nothing is more romantic than knowing that right after you "git er done" that you have to jump in the car to go to the Clinic, to have your doctor look up your hoohah and take samples to see if you're being a good host to your sperm visitors) and other fun stuff. Yeeeeeehaaaaaa!!!

I'm just happy I have such a supportive husband who went with me to 95% of my appointments, and has put up with my hormonal crap since the parade of fertility related drugs started in early 2004. Good times.

Dave also decided that I get to name the kids because of all the crap I have to go through, but maybe I'll give him a bit of input!

Infertility has been heartbreaking... my heart has broken so many times over and over again that I honestly don't know what's holding it together anymore.

Especially my miscarriage... that was a low blow that I'm still not over, and still cry about at least every other week. Which is better because it used to be at least once a day.

Hell, there was an episode of Medium where it talked about her having a miscarriage and I FREAKED OUT! Dave had to turn the TV off and comfort me for almost 2 hours!
Crazy.

So there you have it... I'm not some bitter old hag for no reason... I have many reasons!
Enjoy my blog and feel free to vent if you're feeling the same. And don't feel shy about reading if you're still in the infertile stage, cuz I've been down that road and she's bumpy.

Not that I'm done... by no means... I mean there's no way in hell that I'm actually pregnant with a pregnancy that will last.

And I don't joke when I'm talking like that... I honestly feel that way... it sucks!